A few months ago I received an utterly unsolicited and frankly, totally misguided pep talk from a former high school teacher that I ran into on the bus to work one day. She assured me, repeatedly, despite my numerous interruptions to indicate that no, I wasn't the least bit interested in being in a relationship just for the sake of it. She treated me like I shouldn't feel like I was broken. I don't feel broken, but the naivety and audacity of her comments irked me. Because this is how the world see us singles; even the "enlightened" tell us we should not worry or rush it. Not out of an understanding that we should not look to a relationship to complete us, but rather that we will eventually find that other person to complete us. I wanted to say, "Listen lady, I am a whole being already."
Was it the plan to be a single woman living in a trailer, talking to my cat and "hanging out" on PT? Would I rather be spending the afternoon with a significant other and a family we made? Yea. But it hasn't happened yet. And it seems to me, that everyone I see who makes the choice to be in a relationship because they "want a relationship" or "are looking for someone" or have some deep seated belief that they "need" to be paired up with someone and not because they really care about that someone in a special and devoted way, end up unhappy because of it. Then they look to another person and another person to bail them out of their unhappiness. After my divorce, it was literally when I had to be alone due to geographic isolation, that I remembered I was more than just someone's ex-wife. I had a lot of other things that I was interested in doing. Once I was so far away from civilization that there was not anyone to date, it gave the chance to think about something else in my life other than the search for a man who would redeem my earlier rejection.
Would it be awesome to have a partner in crime? Hell yea. But it's awesome right now, anyway. And the older I get, the more I realize there is more than one way to skin a cat. Single-dom affords me the luxury and liberty to do exactly what I want and I have really enjoyed this liberty; from choosing the movies I watch to choosing to donate charitably and being a part of organizations in my community, to truly be available for friends and family and drink and smoke every night of the week. I like my life. If someone comes along that enhances the experience, I absolutely want to sprinkle some more MSG's on my life. But as it is, I'm pretty content. If that makes me broken, I guess I'd rather be broken and content with myself than unhappily coupled.
Was it the plan to be a single woman living in a trailer, talking to my cat and "hanging out" on PT? Would I rather be spending the afternoon with a significant other and a family we made? Yea. But it hasn't happened yet. And it seems to me, that everyone I see who makes the choice to be in a relationship because they "want a relationship" or "are looking for someone" or have some deep seated belief that they "need" to be paired up with someone and not because they really care about that someone in a special and devoted way, end up unhappy because of it. Then they look to another person and another person to bail them out of their unhappiness. After my divorce, it was literally when I had to be alone due to geographic isolation, that I remembered I was more than just someone's ex-wife. I had a lot of other things that I was interested in doing. Once I was so far away from civilization that there was not anyone to date, it gave the chance to think about something else in my life other than the search for a man who would redeem my earlier rejection.
Would it be awesome to have a partner in crime? Hell yea. But it's awesome right now, anyway. And the older I get, the more I realize there is more than one way to skin a cat. Single-dom affords me the luxury and liberty to do exactly what I want and I have really enjoyed this liberty; from choosing the movies I watch to choosing to donate charitably and being a part of organizations in my community, to truly be available for friends and family and drink and smoke every night of the week. I like my life. If someone comes along that enhances the experience, I absolutely want to sprinkle some more MSG's on my life. But as it is, I'm pretty content. If that makes me broken, I guess I'd rather be broken and content with myself than unhappily coupled.
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